


Dear Stupid you

by Trafalgali



Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Heart pirates crew - Freeform, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, IKKAKU IS HERE, Insomniac Trafalgar D. Water Law, Introspection, LawLu - Freeform, Love Letters, Luffy Being Luffy, M/M, Minor Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji, Mugiwaras, POV Trafalgar D. Water Law, Panic Attacks, Possessive Roronoa Zoro, Post-Dressrosa, Pre-Dressrosa, Pre-Wano Arc (One Piece), Slow Burn, Strawhat crew - Freeform, Swordfighting, i wrote this listening to Folklore by taylor swift, i'm obsessed with them, law has anemia, law is afraid of the dark, law is an idiot, luffy stimming, maybe some self insert who cares, this is all very cute okay, this is very self indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25755409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trafalgali/pseuds/Trafalgali
Summary: In witch Law writes letters to luffy because that's the only way he's able to cope with his feelings."You’re like a tornado. Wherever you go, you change things, you turn everything upside down, and when you leave, everything feels empty. But that’s the thing. I hate chaos, I hate anything that I can’t control, or plan. You’re supposed to be everything I hate. Then why the fuck did I come to save you after what happened in Marineford ? We had only met once. And when I learned you were in danger, I don’t know, I didn’t think about it. I never not think about something. That’s the kind of crazy shit you make people do."
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Comments: 23
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi ! It's my first Lawlu and I hope you enjoy it ! I'm kinda proud of it (but only because I didn't re-read it yet so that might be why)  
> Anyways sorry if there's any typos or anything blablabla you know the drill !

_Dear Strawhat,_

_I am writing. To you. Well, not to you really, more like, to the possibility of you. I’m not even sure you’re able to read anyway. It’s just a silly thing I decided to do, to get these things out of my mind. Usually, I write stuff in my journal, plans, ideas, and things in general, but I don’t want stuff like_ _that_ _mixed up in my journals. Compartmentalize, it's called. I like to keep things neat and organized. Clean, and tidy. I write notes about operations, drawings of human anatomy, symptoms, cures, plan ideas, strategies, everything that can help me and my crew go farther._

_But I’m missing the point here. Avoiding what I really want to write about._

***

The sun is setting, and you hear the distant voices of the crew, laughing and finishing dinner in the kitchen. You needed some time alone. Away from the noise. Away from them looking at you like a stranger. Away from him. There is a soft breeze, and the evening is warm. You’re not as good as Nami for these things, but you know the weather won’t change anytime soon, and you’ll be able to watch the stars tonight again. That also means you’ll be able to get some sleep. It had been a long and rainy week, and the nights had been so dark. You’re happy the sky is clear again.

You are sitting on the deck, your back against one of the trees. It’s a nice feeling, to smell the very specific smell of tangerines, mixed with the scent of the sea. They fit well together.

You hear steps coming near you, and then, a face. His face, smiling. In the night he seems even brighter and hard to look at.

“There you are Torao !” He says with his stupid grin. “Sanji said you didn’t want desert. How can you not want Sanji’s dessert ? I brought you some. Well… I intended to do that, but I ate it on my way here.” He laughs a little, before looking at you “I’ll ask sanji to make some more don’t worry.”

“It’s fine Strawhat, don’t bother your cook I’m not hungry.”

He sits next to you, his shoulder touching yours. This guy has never heard of personal space. He’s always finding a way to be _too close_. On top of that, your learned at your depends that this guy never listens, so there’s no use pushing him away. You try anyway.

“Go back with the others”, you add, “you’re missing all the fun.”

“Nah, I’m fine. I’d rather hang out with you.”

It feels weird to have him so close. It feels weird that he came to see you, you in particular. You think he is trying to make you feel welcomed on his ship. You don’t want that.

“You know I’m not part of your crew right ?” You snap. “You don’t have to take care of me.”

“I know. I just want to be here.”

You don’t answer. There’s no need for that.

***

_So I got that stupid idea, to write, like the cook said, letters not to be sent. Well I wanted to do it way sooner, but, you know, it’s hard to find a moment alone in your ship. So I had to postpone .I still think that’s a stupid idea, but it’s better than just freaking out on my own, and feeling like a bomb all the time. I read somewhere in a psychology book that it’s good to find a way to exteriorise whatever feelings you’re experiencing. So why not uh. … that can’t be that hard._

***

One night, you find yourself having trouble to breathe. Your chest is aching, like your heart is going so fast that he might stop. You feel on the verge of death. Nauseous, sick, sweating.

You open your eyes, and your lungs are begging for air they can’t find. Air. You need air.

Your hands are clutched around the bedsheet, trying to hold on to something they can never find, so hard that they too are starting to ache. Your whole body is telling you that you are dying.

You open your eyes and find nothing around, just darkness. Someone closed the curtain and this room is as dark as can be. Shadows surround you, they are drowning you. You feel trapped, claustrophobic, you can’t escape, and it is as if the walls are getting closer and closer, ready to crush you.

That is when you realise, you need to get out of this room.

You manage, shakingly, to get up, and to move as silently as you can, towards the door. As soon as you feel the soft and fresh night breeze, you start to calm down.

The night is clear, and looking up, you can see all the constellations in the sky. Even the moon is here, sharing her light with you.

The shadows are gone, you feel safer. The nightmare is over.

You take a moment, to really calm yourself down. You sit on the deck’s wooden floor, and start a few breathing exercises. Breathe in, breathe out.

Slowly, your pulse becomes more regular, and your heart doesn’t aches as much as it did moments before.

You are safe, you tell yourself. Or at least, not in any immediate danger.

Everything is calm, and you decide to lay down a while, to look at the sky, and to try to get some rest. You let the sound and movement of the waves lull you, as the last sighs of your panic attack fade off. 

You then fall into a peaceful dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

…

The early morning light and the sound of seabirds wake you. Surprisingly, you feel a blanket on your body. 

“Good morning Torao !” You hear a feminine voice, that can only belong to the Devil Child, Nico Robin. You are never completely at ease with her, not that she does anything wrong or unfriendly. You just feel like she is always looking right through your soul.

She is a complete mystery, often smiling, but always saying some cryptic things. You like her, you think.

You nod at her as an answer, before properly getting up and joining her at her table. She is drinking her morning tea.

“It is nice to have someone awake this early ! it gets a little lonely on the morning when everyone else is sleeping.” She says, pouring some tea in a cup that is apparently meant for you. You nod again, to thank her.

“Thank you for the blanket.”, you say, giving it back to her.

She seems surprised by your statement, and raises an eyebrow.

“Well you would be welcomed if I gave it to you, unfortunately, you already had it when I arrived. I assumed you brought it there to sleep with you.”

You must have a funny look on your face because she starts to laugh.

“Well I’m sure you have a nice nightly guardian angel looking after you.”

***

_Did you know that you have a freckle just a little bigger than the others right under your left eye shaped like a flower ? The first time I noticed I thought it was a stain, but apparently it’s not._

_Did you know that when you laugh, your nose curves a little ? That’s the kind of stuff I notice about you, and I don’t know why, and it makes me crazy._

_With other people, I notice like yellow stains in their eyes, indicating they have a liver problem, or if they have any medical symptom that might need to be taken care of. But not with you._

_What is it with you that I can’t stay calm when you’re around ? How come everytime you’re around, my body aches ? Everytime I see you, I can feel that something chaotic is going to happen._

_You’re like a tornado. Wherever you go, you change things, you turn everything upside down, and when you leave, everything feels empty. But that’s the thing. I hate chaos, I hate anything that I can’t control, or plan. You’re supposed to be everything I hate. Then why the fuck did I come to save you after what happened in Marineford ? We had only met once. And when I learned you were in danger, I don’t know, I didn’t think about it. I never not think about something. That’s the kind of crazy shit you make people do._

***

Exhaustion. That’ll be the end of you. Bepo told you so many times that you can’t survive with one hour of sleep and a lot of coffee. Of course you know that. As a doctor, you would never ever let anyone under your care do that. But it’s different for you, isn’t it ? Plus, it doesn’t’ help that you barely eat.

One day, a very hot and sunny day, you forget to drink enough. A big fight against another ship happens, and you help the crew, you use your power, and even if you’re not injured, you are tired. You didn’t sleep well last night. So naturally, at some point after the fight, a little before dinner, when the whole Strawhat crew is here, you get up too fast, and you whole vision goes blank. Your blood pressure just drops as you fall on the floor, unable to move, or to see anything.

Usually, you manage to get through those things quick enough so nobody never notices, you don’t want to seem weak, you don’t want your health and anaemia to get in the way of anything you want to accomplish. Besides, you have better things to do anyway than watch over your diet.

So, there you are, on the ground, and you mentally make sure to insult yourself because you _know_ this is going to make quite a scene, and even if you are in no shape to hear or see anything, you feel everyone around you, worrying.

When you emerge, you don’t feel the hard wood of the deck under your back, but rather the soft and comfortable feeling of a bed. Maybe you were feeling a little less okay than you thought.

You feel a warm blanket on your body, and something even warmer holding your hand. You open your eyes, and look around you. It’s Dr Chopper’s infirmary. Besides you, Strawhat is there, looking at you. You move your hand out. It burns.

“What the hell”

Strawhat looks at you, and he has the biggest smile on his face, like Christmas came early or something, and you want to punch him in the face.

“Torao ! You’re awake ! Chopper said you passed out because you’re missing some iron in your blood, that’s weird, but well, it’s better to trust him, he knows what’s up. Sanji’s furious because you didn’t tell him, he says that he could have adapted your meals or something”

And he goes on rambling like you don’t have the biggest headache at all.

“We were all so worried, you fell like a tree in the woods, it made a big noise, as if you hit your head !”

“Strawhat.” You stop him “Please, can you speak lower ?”

He stops talking. “ Sorry. I was worried you know. It’s not like you to…”

“I’m fine, it’s nothing, I was just a little tired. No need to make a big thing out of it.”

“Of course it’s a big thing !” He seems upset now. Nothing to do with the big smile he gave you a minute earlier.

You sit down on the bead, and hold on to his gaze.

“Strawhat. I won’t fail the plan, if that’s what you’re worried about. This won’t happen when we’re in Dressrosa…”

“I don’t care about Dressrosa and your plan ! I know you’ll have everything under control !” He says, getting up quickly. “But this is my ship, and I forbid you to scare me like that ever again, okay ?”

You let out a sigh. Of course he would be like this. It makes you want to vomit. You’re just allies, not friends, nothing else. He’s not supposed to care for you.

“Look, Strawhat. Luffy.” He sits back down, but you can tell he is still very upset. “I am fine, it won’t happen again, I swear.”

You see his hands, fists clenched on his knees, and you don’t know why, but before you know it, your hand cover his as you finish your sentence.

Your eyes lock into eachother, and at this exact moment, Dr Chopper comes in. You immediately take off your hand, and fake a cough, embarrassed.

“Dr Trafalgar ! you’re up ! We have to talk about your iron levels.”

You put your hat back on your head, and nod, as Strawhat gets up again and heads out.

“Don’t forget your promise, Law.” He says before disappearing.

***

_I remember the time I first saw you. I remembered thinking you were the most stupid pirate on this whole universe, to punch a celestial dragon on the face like you did. I remember thinking “that’s someone I never want to work with.”_

_And look where I am now._

_But I also remember the look in your eyes. That determination. That rage, that fury, that desire to protect the ones you care about. That strength. I must admit, it gave me chills, at the time. I admired you._

_We fought side by side against the Marines, and I saw how strong you were. I was already anticipating the day I would have to fight against you._

_Days later, I remember seeing you, on the big screen, around which the whole world was watching you, falling off the sky to save your brother. You had the same look, the same fury, the same determination. That day, you would have destroyed the world with that look._

_Then the screen went black. It went black, and I don’t know what happened, but I had to go there, I had to see, I had to watch History happen. At least that what I told myself and my crew. I don’t know, I just knew I had to be there._

_Then I saw you again. The submarine went back to the surface, and I saw you. Hurt. Badly. Hopeless. Both physically and morally. It was the saddest, most painful thing to see.._

_You looked so weak, so fragile as I carried you in my own arms, to the operation room. I could never unsee that, even if I wanted to. That day, you broke inside. The physical wound itself was pretty bad, but it was nothing compared what was going on in your mind. I’d never seen such pain inside someone, it was like all your organs were affected by it. Pain corrupts everything._

_I did what I had to, I tended your wound, I acted as the doctor I try to be. But the way you got back up, the way you needed only a few word from that sea paladin, the way you overcame that, it’s your real strength._

_I lost someone too. But I was never able to do what you did._

***

“You know I used to write to you ?” He says in a chuckle, “Letters that I would never send, just to …. You know, let go of everything I felt about you.”

“You did ? That sounds stupid.”

As the smell of menthol cigarette announce their presence, you overhear Sanji and Zorro talking on the deck below you, and you can’t help but agree. It sounds stupid, to write letters that aren’t meant to be sent, or read. Letters just for yourself.

“Well, if it weren’t for them, I would have never guessed that everytime I was mad at you for anything, it was actually because I loved you and your stupid seaweed head.”

They walk away, holding hands and laughing lightly, as you feel something uncomfortable and heavy in your chest.

They make an odd couple, you think.

***

You feel someone looking at you. You don’t know why but you can always tell when _she_ is watching you. It’s like a cold feeling in your back, it’s annoying. You turn around and adjust your hat before talking.

“Nico Robin.”

“Torao ! Good evening.”

She smiles and comes next to you, facing the immensity of the ocean. You never know what she’s thinking. It’s not that you’re curious about that, but she just looks like she’s plotting something and you don’t like that. You’re the one that always plots. She makes you nervous.

“It’s funny how you chose to make an alliance with our captain”

“What do you mean ? Is this a threat ?” you frown, your hand ready to draw your sword.

She lets out a light laugh and shakes her head. You will never understand this woman.

“No, no I just mean that at first I thought you would leave on your own as soon as you would get that an alliance with Luffy isn’t what you might have imagined. Yet, you’re still here, and it’s good.”

“Well, I don’t break promises. I might have miscalculated about Strawhat but it’s fine, I’ll figure something out” you answer shrugging.

“I think you underestimate him. We’ll all make it out alive, he won’t let you die on your suicide mission.”

You frown. She has a point, and you don’t like it. You don’t plan on survive at all. And now… you’re stuck. Stuck because you can’t leave, can you ? You answer nothing, because you have the feeling she sees right through you.

“You know, I used to think I would only stay temporarily here too, when I first arrived on that boat. But Luffy does that to people, he grows into you. Don’t you think ?”

You grunt. You don’t want her to be right. All their illusions about being crewmates and friends and everything, it sickens you.

“I’m only here until we take Kaido down and get back to my crew, nothing more.”

“Yes, of course, if you say so” She answers with again one of her enigmatic smile.

“Nico Robin ?”

“mh ?”

“Why do you follow him ?”

“I think it was his smile. It’s just so contagious, you know ? He made me smile like no one else, and after that, I realised I couldn’t live without it.”

***

_Okay maybe I needed you back then, to take down Doflamingo. I needed your power, your strength, and your ability to create chaos everywhere you go. I needed you to get my revenge, to put an end to a tyranny, but mostly, to avenge someone’s death._

_But that doesn’t mean I needed anything more from you. I didn’t need your pity, I don’t need your pity, or your friendship, or anything._

_I don’t want to need you._

_So please, why did you make yourself so indispensable ? Why did you HAVE to be like that. I wasn’t lonely before. I was never lonely before I met you._

_But now that you’re away, this feeling won’t go._

***

“What are you doing, lurking in here Torao ?”

You freeze. It’s the Navigator, Nami. She caught you looking for some paper in her office. You turn around to face her slowly. She’s resting her back on the wall, arms crossed, a smirk on her lips, like she’s enjoying this way too much.

“I was looking for some paper to write on. Dr Chopper told me you had some to draw your maps or whatever.”

“And you couldn’t bother to ask”

She walks past you and opens a drawer before holding some blank paper in her hand. The truth is, you were too embarrassed to ask. You hate to admit it, but there is something frightening with that girl. Besides, you can tell that behind her smiles and tease, she doesn’t trust you at all.

“You know what, nevermind”, you say before heading out.

“Not so fast, mister Surgeon of Death”

You freeze and sigh. What is it with this crew, always wanting to talk talk talk talk ?

“What were you planning to do with that paper that is so secret you couldn’t even ask for some ?”

“It’s none of your business.” You answer, a bit too fast, which makes her raise an eybrow.

“What, do you have a secret journal in witch you say everyone of your dirty little secrets ?” You know she’s only joking but her teasing hits a little too close.

But no, today is not the day you are going to let some Navigator bother you about that stupid idea you overheard one night.

“Well maybe I’m writing in there that there’s an unsufferable ginger who won’t let me help Dr Chopper study new medicine”

She sighs and hands you the papers.

“You know, you don’t always have to be so defensive, Mr I-never-smile-because-if-I-do-it-might-ruin-my-dark-pirate-aura. Nobody is going to eat you”

You sigh and mumble a vague thank you. But you notice she looks at you more seriously now, her arms crossed.

“You know if you do anything to hurt our captain, you’re a dead man, right ?”

“haven’t we passed the point where you all fear I betray Strawhat ?” You ask, annoyed. It never even crossed your mind to betray him, yet, everyone seems so sure you will, and that makes you angry.

“I wasn’t talking about betrayal. I see how you look at him. And how he looks at you. We all see what is going on here.”

“Look I don’t know what you’re talking about, nothing is going on, so please keep your little daydreams to yourself and don’t get in the way of my work, got it ?”

Before she can answer anything, you get out of the room, slamming the door. You can’t see her, but she’s smiling behind your back.

***

_Why don’t I just leave you, leave this alliance, break everything and go my own way ? It would be so much easier, for me, and for everyone else. Now that Doflamingo is defeated I mean. Why am I still on board with this alliance. I never planned to go this far anyway, so why keep going ?_

_Every single person who looked at me the way you do ended up dead. I don’t want that to happen ever again. Can’t you understand that ? It’s like a curse. I can’t get attached. Because if I do, and you die, then it’s over for me._

_I have no room for that, for friendship, for whatever feelings which are trying to invade my heart. There is no room for this._

_Besides, pirates alliances always end in blood._

***

One night, you hear a sound that is just too familiar. You were trying to sleep, looking at the window, to catch a piece of the night sky to ease your mind, and you heard it. The sound of silent crying. The huffed breathing, the soft snorting, the sobs, that you try so hard to control. You know those sounds, because you made the same too many times.

You don’t know where it’s from, and, at first, you think it’s none of your business. How could it be ? Your presence here is strictly professional, and you don’t have the time for their problems. You have enough of your own. 

You notice you’ve been holding your breath a little too long.

Why does this sound break your heart ? Why does this sound makes you want to get up and to scream at the world ? Nobody should be sad enough to cry alone at night. You know, because you’ve been there before, that it is only a matter of time, before the sobs become too out of control, too loud.

In the dark, you hear the soft crumpling of bedsheets moving. In the night, you distinguish a shape in motion. Someone is getting up; the person crying, you assume.

Then it hits you. You recognize Strawhat Luffy. It only makes the feeling worse. Being with him every day almost made you forget that he could be anything else than a literal ray of sunshine. It almost makes you forget that face, that face of pure despair that he had after the Marineford incident. The face holding a suffering so big that you remember thinking nobody could survive that.

But he did. He survived, and you almost had forgotten that he too could be hurting.

You hear steps, and the door, softly opening and closing. 

Then you don’t quite know what hits you, but you get up as well, and go for the door, until you feel a hand on your shoulder, holding you back.

“Don’t.”, you hear behind you.

It’s Roronoa Zoro. You turn around, and look at him with a frown. It’s dark, but you can still see his face, serious, almost hostile. It awakens anger in your stomach.

“Jeez, one is not allowed to take a pee on this ship ?” you snap.

“You know what I mean, Death Surgeon. I’ll take care of him”

He goes out of the room, leaving you alone, standing in the dark, not knowing what to do. Something is aching in your chest, and you can’t really tell what it is. Right now, you are feeling bad, and… Jealous ? This is ridiculous, you think. Roronoa is right, it’s none of your business, you don’t have to take care of anything besides yourself.

You slowly get back to your bed, sitting on the edge. You’re trying to see if you can hear what’s happening outside. Not that you care. But you can’t hear anything else than the soft sound of waves in the night.

“Dr Trafalgar ?” You hear from a bed near you. It’s the reindeer doctor, Chopper.

You answer with a small grunt.

“Excuse Zoro for that… he gets very protective when it comes to Luffy, but don’t worry about it !”

“I’m not worried.”

But you are, worried. You turn around, facing the porthole, and hear Chopper getting back to sleep. You try to sleep too. But sometimes sleep is only a smoke cloud that you can’t reach. A cloud shaped like a strawhat, in this case.

***

_You told me you only wanted to be free. The freest man on the planet. But ever since I met you, I never felt more imprisoned._

_Like my mind is always trapped into thinking about you. My skin remembers the feeling of your hand on my shoulder, the feeling of your breath when you were standing too close, the sound of your footsteps on the deck._

_You’re everywhere. It’s sickening. They say love is supposed to give you wings, to make you feel light. But I only feel heavy and sick._

***

“Do you miss your teammates ?” Strawhat asks you, out of nowhere.

He’s upside down, his legs attached to a rope high above, his body stretched towards you. A literal monkey. He has this way of looking right through you, and make you feel _seen_. You’re not sure you like it.

“I’m sure they’re doing just fine.”

“that’s not what I asked”, he says, getting down and sitting next to you, his shoulders touching yours. He doesn’t get personal space, does he ?

“I know you’re not worried. But do you _miss_ them ?”

Why is he always like that ? Not letting go if you give an answer he doesn’t find right. You sigh. You can’t think when he is that close, you can’t think of anything else than his body against yours, trespassing your personal space so much that you hear your own fucking heart beating in your ears.

“If I had a polar bear on my crew, I would miss him everyday !” he says, his hand on the back of his head, smiling still. You don’t quite know why, but you give him an answer anyway.

“Well I sure miss Bepo, and the others too. It’s never easy for a captain, being away from his crew or his ship.”

“One time, my crew got separated for two years. It was the worst. But I was sure I would get back to them if I got stronger, so I did ! and now we’re together again !”

He talks about it like it’s nothing, but something tells you it wasn’t nothing, at the time. Two years.

You clearly remember those two years. Two years marked the time between the first, and the second encounter you had with Strawhat Luffy. You don’t count the Marineford incident, because he was unconscious all the time. Besides, you don’t like to think about that time.

Two years. Two encounters that changed everything.

“Torao ?” he snaps you out of your thoughts. Annoying.

“mmh ?”

“you’ll get back to them. I promise.” He says, putting his hand on your arm, to close to your own hand.

But you don’t believe that promise, because it is not his to make. He will have no business bringing you back alive, when everything is already decided. Dressrosa will be your end. Or at least you think.

***

_You know what ? fuck you. This is all your fault, with your stupid smile and your stupid face so round and so nice, and your stupid big kind eyes, and your stupid ideas about being friends and fuck your stupid crew._

_I hate you all, and I’m so happy this is all over because at least now I can be alone in my own cabin and not be with any of you, and especially not you._

_What am I supposed to do now uh ? You’re off fighting some Yonko on your own, on an even more suicidal mission than the one I offered you. An emperor. On your own. There is no way to tell if you’ll make it out alive, even if everyone seem to believe in you._

_Well I don’t know maybe it’s for the best if you die there. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with whatever feelings I might be developing right now._

_…_

_Please come back alive._

***

“I swear that if you don’t eat all of this, you’ll never get out of this kitchen, got that right ?” Sanji threatens you. “I will not have someone lack anything in their diet under my care.”

“Ugh fine.” You grumble.

You are now on a very strict diet since last time. It’s like Sanji and Dr Chopper made it their life goal to piss you off, and to help the level of iron in your blood go back to normal. Fuck them.

At every meal, you are now served a huge plate, and everytime there is some lentil salad. You hate lentil salad. Fuck that shit. Plus, the two of them look at you eat, to make sure there’s nothing left in your plate at the end. Even Strawhat stopped stealing food from you.

He looks at you all the time, you feel his gaze on you everytime he’s on the same room as you, and you couldn’t be more annoyed. You feel like a baby being babysat, and it’s insufferable.

“Strawhat I told you I wouldn’t pass out again, can you please stop treating me like a child about to die please?” You tell him one time, a few days before reaching Dressrosa.

You are both sitting on the floor, facing the sea, near the bow. Both facing your goal.

“I know, I trust you.” His hands are behind his head, and he’s looking unbothered, carefree as usual, whereas you can feel the stress grow inside of you as each wave gets you closer to your final goal.

“Then tell your crew to stop pampering me.”

“They do what they want, I’m not their boss.”

“You’re their captain though.”

“Yeah of course, but they still do what they want.”

Infuriating. He’s always like that, an answer to everything.

“Okay but what about yourself ?”

“What about myself ?”

“If you trust me, why all the looks ?” you ask, resting your back on the wall, not daring to look at him. However, you can feel his eyes on you.

“I think you’re nice to look at.”

You frown. What the hell Strawhat. How can he say things like that, like that ?

“Ahah, I didn’t think you could make jokes like that.”

“I’m not joking.” He says, leaning his head. He looks like a kitten it’s ridiculous. “Looking at you makes me happy so I do it ! is there something wrong with that ?”

“It’s…. not wrong.”

“It’s like when I see a cool bug, you know ? like the rare types that you can only find in very specific places ! I love to look for bugs it’s so exciting !” He says, moving his hands next to you like he does when he’s very happy about something.

“So I’m like a bug ?” You ask, softly. You can never be mad or annoyed when he’s like that.

“Yeah ! My brothers and I used to look for them all the time when we were little. Well I would drag them because they didn’t get how cool it was, but still ! It was awesome. And being with you is like finding the rarest bug.”

You look at him, and before you can even notice what you’re doing, you smile.

“You’re a pretty cool bug too, Strawhat.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after Dressrosa, and ends at the begining of Wano ! Law cries a lot and it's good for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two ! I've never finished something this quick before, I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing !  
> Again, sorry for any mistakes of any kind

_At first you made me feel confused._

_Then we arrived at Dressrosa.. And I fell even harder._

_I was so confused and so afraid you would get in the way. Not that I didn’t trust your strength or how you would do anything to win. I didn’t doubt you. It was me._

_I was afraid I got too attached, too distracted. How could I make the ultimate sacrifice if you were there? If I was always worried about how you could get hurt?_

_That was the whole point of not bringing my crew there, so that the important people wouldn’t get dragged into my destructive revenge. So that they would be safe. I didn’t plan on you getting this important._

_It’s crazy how you always find a way to ruin all of my plans. But this time, I will never ever be able to thank you enough._

***

It’s all over now. You’re not sure you can even realize that everything you worked for finally payed off, and all of that thanks to this annoying man with a stupid hat.

It’s been a few days since you sailed away from that nightmarish island, and you still haven’t processed the fact that Cora is avenged. You even got to talk about him with someone who cared for him.

This mission had been… a lot.

You haven’t slept since you all left. Impossible on that new ship, too many people, too much noise. You can’t find a moment for yourself. You miss your submarine. The reassuring roam of the engines, the dark, the silence. Your friends.

You haven’t seen them in so long, you weren’t even expecting to see them ever again.

The ship is sailing away, and you feel the breeze on your face, lost in your thoughts. It’s funny how now, you enjoy even the smallest things. The feeling of fresh air on your skin, the smell of the sea in the morning, the light reflecting on Strawhat’s hair…

Now you want to punch yourself in the face.

Ever since he defeated Doflamingo, you can’t help but think about him _all the time._ Well, he was on your mind a little before, but now it’s getting really annoying. Being on a ship designed around him doesn’t help at all, that’s for sure.

Below you, on the deck, you see Usopp and Strawhat talking about something that makes them scream a lot, and do a lot of hand gestures. Those two are loud, you think. Near them, Roronoa is sitting on the floor, eyes closed. You envy the way he’s able to take naps anywhere, despite the constant noise. You can’t help but feel out of place here, and it’s even worse now that their crew is incomplete. You can see that their harmony feels off, something is missing.

It amazes you how they are a group of people so different, yet so compatible. All chaos, but yet, they balance each other so well.

You miss your crewmates.

***

_Sometimes I miss the music. Even the noise. We’re on our way to Wano, and it’s weird that you are not there to annoy me._

_It’s all been very empty since I came back. Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. And this submarine is so dark and cold. I used to like dark and cold. What did you do to me ? It’s like I’m not the same person anymore._

_What do I do now ? My only purpose, my, dare I say, only dream has been accomplished, so what do I do now that there is nothing left of it ?_

_Nothing I do is for him anymore. However it feels like everything I do is for you now._

***

“There you were !” His high pitched voice resonates inside your ears, surprised. You thought you would have a little more time alone before he found you. You’ve been seeking alone time all day, but you guess you can’t always have what you want.

“Next time I’ll room myself on the roof, maybe you won’t find me.” You mumble just loud enough for him to hear you.

“Shishishi you’re funny.” He says, sitting next to you, shoulder against yours. “The roof is a terrible hiding place. One time we found Usopp inside the submarine’s engine, now _that’s_ a hiding spot.”

It’s weird how he never seems pissed off, or angry at your sarcasm. Like he’s completely immune to that. You even wonder if he gets how much you want to stay away from him, or just if he doesn’t care. Maybe both. Who knows ? He’s a mystery to you.

“So you’ve found a way to get rid of you fanclub for a moment ?” You say, smirking.

“Honestly, that Barto-guy is weird. But he’s also fun ! And he’s accepting all of us on his ship so…” he answers with a shrug.

“He still almost bursts into tears anytime you talk to him” you add, as if that wasn’t the biggest mood ever.

He shrugs and smiles at you,“Yeah, weird guy. But not weirder than you I think.”

You answer with a frown. “I’m not weird!”

“Yeah you are!” He laughs “You’re always lonely and your smile is upside down all the time except when you pretend you’re mean or something.”

His hand approaches your cheek, and before you can say anything, he squishes your face. More like pinching. You resist an urge to just teleport out of there. But this is the first time anyone touched your face so gently since forever. It surprises you how strong his hands are. Strong, but gentle, and warm.

He’s always warm, you feel it when he’s standing too close to you and it makes your heart skip beats, or when he puts his hands on your shoulder or your arm. He does that all the time, touching people. But even knowing this, it still surprises you. Because your own hands are always cold. Cold and precise. A surgeon’s hands. His are… the opposite. They clap loudly against each other, they punch people in the face with too much strength, they grab too tight, they are messy. Yet, it feels like they could hold your entire self without damage.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing ?”

“Making you smile !”

You roll your eyes, and gently put your hands on his, but only to take them off your face (or at least you tell yourself that). Your face burns where he touched you, but right now you can only notice how much smaller than yours his hands are.

“You can’t physically force someone to smile like that Strawhat”, you tell him gently, your hands still painfully connected to his. “that’s not how it works.”

“But I want to see you smile !” He pouts. Annoying brat, you think. But your heart still bumps inside your chest when you see his eyes. Even more annoying.

“Then you’ll have to give me a reason to.” You say, letting go of his hands, and getting up. It’s time to get away from him, before the situation gets out of your control.

Because you love to make a dramatic exit, you create a Room, and quickly disappears from his sight. What you don’t see is him, a smile bigger than the whole ocean, whispering.

“That’s a deal, Law.”

***

_Your hands are so small, you are so small, how can someone as small as you make this much damage?_

_I remember noticing how tiny your hands were, the first time you touched my shoulder. Then, again and again and again, until we touched hands. At first I couldn’t understand how those little hands could make me jump so hard when they touched me, how they could leave such a burning impact on my skin. How I could miss them whenever they were not touching it._

_Now I know my skin is cold only because that way, I can welcome your warmth._

***

Since you can’t sleep, you decide to take a walk, like pretty much every night since you left Dressrosa. The night is usually the calmest time of the day, since supposedly everyone is sleeping. Supposedly, because you often walk on Usopp drawing, or one of Bartolomeo’s crewmates drinking, or whatever.

This time, and not for your biggest pleasure, you find the swordsman, training on the deck. It’s not that you don’t like him, you know he’s very strong and loyal, and after all a great asset to your pirate alliance with Strawhat. It’s just that whenever you see them interact together, it gives you a weird feeling in your stomach.

Like you’re going to be sick.

Usually, you would avoid him, and walk away. But something in you, probably your ego, with an inch of jealousy that you won’t admit, doesn’t want to back off anymore. He thinks he’s so cool with his scars and his big muscles, as if swordsmanship was only about that.

You find yourself looking at him, comparing yourself to him. You’re less muscular, for sure.

“Enjoying the view?” He puts down the weight he’s been training with, and looks at you, with a stupid smirk on his face. Do you look that stupid when you’re being a jerk or is that just him? You roll your eyes.

“You’re not my type, Roronoa.”

“You bet I’m not.” He says, taking one of his katanas that were sitting on the floor, facing you. “You like ‘em less tall, with a hat on the head, don’t you ?”

You put your hand on your sword, ready to draw. “Looking to start a fight ?” you answer, provoking yet another demonic smile on his face.

“I saw you knew how to handle a fight, so why not cross swords, see who’s strongest, uh?”

“You’re on.” Your voice echoes in the night, serious, and deadly. You draw Kikoku with one hand, as he gets the rest of his katanas from the floor.

You are facing each other, no one blinks or looks away, waiting for the first attack. He’s the one who asked to fight, so with your other hand you make a gesture, to invite him to start. Not thinking about it twice, he runs towards you, his three katanas drawn in your direction.

Clink. You’re well warded. Clink. Your turn, clink, your swords start their ballet, meeting point blank, looking for the best angle to strike, again and again, like two lions fighting for territory.

“You’re not too bad.” He says, before attacking a little more harshly than before. You dodge not as easily as you want him to think.

“Are we fighting or are we chatting ?” You answer, slicing the air near his head, missing him by just a second.

“Then stop holding back, show me what you’ve got.” He strikes, and this time, there’s no dodging. You feel your whole body thrown against a wall. Outch. You wipe off some sweat off your chin before opening your hand.

So he wants it all? “Room!” Maybe he had the advantage before, but that’s about to change.

In a second, you teleport behind him, your sword ready to slice him in half.

“That’s more like it.” He dodges, and you two keep fighting, with only the sound of your weapons to disturb the night. You find yourself using your ability a lot, to dodge and to attack him by.

After a moment, you both are panting, a few meters away from each other. If this fight lasts too much, you know you’ll have to forfeit, and you hate to even think about this eventuality. You’re exhausted and missing hours of sleep. Besides, you know he’s a better swordsman than you. Not that you’ll ever admit it out loud. But it’s fine, you have other assets. Like strategy. And more than one braincell.

But looking at him, he’s tired as well. That’s a win.

You stalk around each other, your eyes locked together, the gap between you two never reducing even by one inch. His stupid smirk hasn’t gone away, and just for that, you want to slice his head in two like a watermelon.

“Luffy’s gone quite fond of you.”

“And you have a problem with that?” You snap, too quickly.

“Nah. My man knows what he’s doing… Or at least I assume. He trusts you.”

“So what’s your problem?” You let your guard down, for not even a second, and quickly you feel a sword under your throat, menacing.

“My problem is that I don’t know what you want with him.” He says from behind you , his voice as cold and threatening as ice.

You shamble yourself with a barrel, and reappear a little away. Tricks like that don’t work on you. But you figured he knows that. He did it on purpose.

“I only wanted an ally powerful enough to take down Doflamingo.” That’s not a lie.

“Don’t think I’m an idiot. I’m not talking about allyship. I see how you look at him.” He says, running towards you, his three swords echoing in the night as they hit yours.

“What, you jealous?” Now it’s your turn to smirk. You think you hit a sensitive spot. Your foreheads almost touch, as your swords fight to see who’ll push harder. “I see how you look at him too.”

He pushes you away, and you both take a step back, swords down.

“We’re not like that.” He answers, frowning. “It’s not like that. I’m just looking out for him okay.”

“Mmh, sure. Like a guard dog ? All bark, no bite?”

Maybe you’re a jerk, what about it? Soon, you regret saying that because, in one jump, he’s reached you. You barely dodge, and you can tell, this time he really could have hurt you.

“C’mon, don’t you have a boyfriend already?” you add, happy to make him that angry.

“I told you. Luffy and I are not like that.” He says, attacking again and again and again, the two of you panting. You shamble yourself out of his reach, sitting on the rooftop of the boat, both to rest and to annoy him.

But there’s no escaping him. He jumps again, and the fight keeps on, on the roof this time. It’s a miracle nobody’s awake already, hearing your sword’s echoes in the night.

You feel your limits approaching way too fast. But you can tell he’s exhausted too; chasing someone able to basically teleport can be very very tiring. In a last attempt to slice him in half, you jump towards him. But he had the same idea, and this time, when your four swords collide, it makes a huge sound, and you find yourselves both projected away.

Outch.

You’re panting, and you can’t see anything, your vision went black again. Damn those iron levels. You hear the other one grunt and move a little near you. You manage to sit down as your sight comes back. He’s sitting as well, looking in your direction.

Your eyes cross, and he bursts into laughter. Odd, but at least he doesn’t want to kill you anymore.

“Man you’re good.” He says, getting up, and holding out his hand to help you. You nod and accept his hand to stand up. You take your hat that fell on the floor and put it back on. Much better.

“You’re not too bad either.” You answer with a grin.

***

_I think the thing I hate the most is not being able to just stop. Stop thinking about how your big eyes get brighter in the sunlight, stop thinking about your laugh, the way you can talk for hours about different kinds of bugs, or how you move your arms up and down when you get excited about something._

_I can’t stop thinking of how when you get angry, your voice cracks a little, and all this stupid bullshit._

_I swear to whatever god runs this place, it makes me want to tear my hair off._

_It doesn’t matter what it is, my brain just thinks about you all the freaking time. It’s like even when you’re not there, you’re here. That’s stupid. I hate that. Someone make it stop please. And then I write these stupid letters where I say that your hands are tiny and blablabla and urgh it makes me sick. Pathetic._

_All of this because I met you. Disgusting._

_***_

“Oh, sorry, I thought nobody was here…” You didn’t hear him climb all this way up to the lookout spot.

You sigh. Of course someone would climb here just when you decide to get some rest away from the noise. Fortunately for you, it’s Usopp. The less annoying of all of them . The less likely to throw himself into a fight and die without thinking things through. Finally someone with a little sense. 

“It’s fine, I was heading out anyway.” You answer, getting up, but you swear you can hear him roll his eyes.

“Hey, don’t run away, I don’t bite you know.” He sits on the floor, inviting you to sit back down. Weirdly, you find yourself obeying.

There was a big storm earlier, dark clouds and a lot of wind, but now, everything is calm. The clouds are grey, heavy, flying low, covering every inch of blue. No need to be a navigator to know it’ll be raining in a few hours. But not now. You feel Usopp’s gaze on you.

“What?” You ask in a grumpy tone.

“Nami was right about you.” He says mysteriously.

Annoying. Can’t people be clear when they’re talking ? You decide not to answer, because you don’t want to get angry just yet. But you have the very unpleasant feeling of knowing people have been talking behind your back. From the corner of your eye, you see him grab his notebook, and start sketching. He catches you staring and smiles.

“Wanna see ?”

You nod, and he hands it to you, turning the first few pages, showing you his various drawings. You see sketches of the crew doing random things. One represents Zoro and Sanji yelling at each other, just before holding hands. Another shows Franky hanging out the laundry next to Robin drinking her tea, Nami reading a book to Luffy, Dr Chopper fishing while Brook plays the violin … And there are some of you too, alone most of the time, and one where you’re chatting with Strawhat. You feel warmth in your cheeks, seeing you too represented so close to each other.

“Mmh. It’s good.” You manage to mumble.

“I know right! I think I nailed you and Lu especially this time! He’s always so hard to draw, because he moves all the time! And you’re hard to draw because you’re always hiding.”

“I’m not hiding! ” You answer, a bit too fast. 

“Yeah right.” He’s back, the nose on his notebook, and you hear his pen creak against the paper. Silence falls for a moment, only disturbed by the slow movements of Usopp’s pencil. You notice he sticks out his tongue while drawing, focused.

“What did you mean, Nami was right about me?” You can’t help but ask.

He looks up at you, and smiles softly.

“Ahah, that.” He puts his pen on the wooden floor, and stretches his arm. “She told me you were a big softie under the grumpiness and the frowns.”

You clench your jaw. “I have no idea where you two get that stupid idea. Because it’s not true.”

“Yeah yeah sure you’re a great and terrible pirate, feared in all the four seas! You don’t have time for friendships and fun! ” He laughs lightly.

“Exactly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to do something dark and terrible like steal and dissect the heart of an innocent person on this boat.” You answer, annoyed, getting up, with a death glare, pretending to get your hand ready to create a Room, holding your sword in the other.

At your biggest satisfaction, you hear him gasp, provoking a grin on your face. That’s more like it, you think. “Okokok I take it back, you’re no softie, please don’t kill anyone.”

“Fine. I’ll leave you to your drawing.” You say, creating a room and teleporting yourself down on the deck.

“Softie my ass” you mumble between your teeth.

***

_A part of me wants to never see you again. This part wants you to go away and stop suffocating my brain with thoughts of you. This part hates the way you make me act and feel things. It’s that part that is always angry. I’ve listened to it for so long. Being angry is easy. Angry at a certain person. Angry at the world. Angry at everyone. Angry at myself. But it’s like a bottomless pit. You can drown in there._

_Then there’s the other part. The cheesy one. The one I try to keep at bay, but it’s getting louder and louder every time._

_This part scares me. Softens me. It’s too loud, too strong, too overwhelming. The only moments I let it take over are the moments I put myself in trouble._

***

A storm is coming.

You can feel the electricity in every inch of your body. The sky is even heavier than an hour before. Low. Almost suffocating. The clouds become darker every second. Your head feels heavy too. You think about Cora: he used to like when the weather was like this. He said that it felt like a bubble of quiet, where every single noise was isolated, prettier.

He was weird. You feel your heart aching less than it used to, remembering his smile. Would he be smiling at you right now? Every time you do something, you ask yourself if he would smile at you. And every time, you’re not sure.

A shiver runs down your spine. You turn around. Strawhat is looking at you, intensely. It’s weird to see him so serious, not smiling.

“ You seem sad. ”

You didn’t notice the single tear running down your cheek. You brush it off with your hands.

“I’m not. It’s just the first rain drops.”

Fortunately for you, a few drops started to fall a second ago, staining the wooden deck lightly. You hope it’s enough for him, but something in his eyes tells you it’s not.

“You remind me of when I’m thinking about my brother Ace.” He says, facing the sea, losing his gaze on the horizon. “Your melody is sad.”

“My melody?” You ask, but you doubt he’ll answer. He rarely does explain what he’s talking about.

“We weren’t actually blood related, you know. But we grew up together, fighting bears and tigers and every wild animal in the forest until we were the kings of the island.”

Of course you know a lot about Fire Fist Ace, the 2nd division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates, Gol. D. Roger’s son, and Luffy’s adoptive brother. You know all about what the news said. You also remember Marineford. But you never heard Strawhat talking about him before now.

“He was always looking after me,” he keeps going, unfazed, “like a real big brother. He left the island before me, and I knew he would become one of the greatest pirates ever. Not the king, because that would be me, but a great great one. And he did!” He turns to look at you, this time with a big smile on his face. “Now he’s up there somewhere and I know he still looks after me! I’m trying to make him proud.”

You don’t know why, but you have to talk. Now.

“I too was raised by someone who adopted me the way your brother did with you. Corazon. He took care of me. He saved me. And then he died.”

“He must have been great, to raise you so well.” He smiles still. “Is he the reason you have your tattoos? Robin told me Corazon is Spanish for heart. And your crew name!”

You nod.

“They are an homage. Of some sort. I want to live up to his legacy.” 

He puts his hand on your shoulder. It burns, as always. You feel your heart pounding under his palm. You keep talking, like the world will end if you don’t get this off your chest.

“He was everything to me. The kindest soul I’ve ever crossed paths with. He’s the reason I didn’t fall into total darkness, the reason I survived, the reason I didn’t turn out to be like Doflamingo. He put me on a path that was good for me. He wanted me to live, and to have a good life. I became a pirate because I wanted to avenge him. And I did. You helped me do that. But now? Now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Strawhat listened to you without interrupting, focused and serious. 

“Now I suppose he’d want you to do something that makes you happy.” He says, shrugging. “It’s easy, you have to find yourself another dream!”

His words sting your brain. You look at him, frowning. How are you supposed to find a dream just like that? Those things are not as easy as he makes them appear. But then, you feel his hand moving from your shoulder to your own hand. You feel his fingers between yours, gently squeezing. Your skin tickles, and your cheeks are burning. What the-

“Don’t worry, you won’t be alone to do that.”

His words almost get interrupted by the rain. It falls hard suddenly, covering everything, even the tears you’re pretending aren’t there that leaked down your face. And just like that, you squeeze back.

When the rain stops, an hour later, you are still there, and he is too.

***

_You know what? Fuck you._

***

“Told ya I would get you back to your crew,” Strawhat says from behind your ear, while wrapping his arms around you.

Always. So. Close. You don’t mind as much as before, now. Still, you know people are around, so you still feel uncomfortable.

You can feel the crew’s eyes on you two, and even if you’re not looking, you KNOW they are smirking. Fuck them.

You push him away gently, to focus on the sight of your crew, your friends you never thought to see again. But he’s not done with torturing you in public just yet. He leaves a small and quick kiss on your cheek and before you can do anything about it, he walks away with his crew, leaving you with a burning sensation, both on your skin and inside of your heart.

It’s the first time in weeks (months?) that _He_ isn’t going to be around you. Weird.

“Captain!! You’re back!!”

You see a flash of white fur running towards you, and soon, you’re on your back, with the three original members of your crew all piled up on you.

Sachi, Penguin and Bepo are crying of joy, saying that they missed you so bad, and you have trouble breathing, because Bepo is holding you a little too tight. You hug him back, because you know how much it means to him, and because you can’t help it.

“Alright guys, enough of that. I’m here now.” You say eventually.

“Welcome back, cap.” Ikkaku says, resting her back on a tree. You give her a little nod, and she smiles before going back to clean her tools. You’re sure she’ll soon talk to you about all of the things she upgraded in your submarine, and yes, she will say that the disco ball in the living room was absolutely necessary, and you won’t be able to really get mad about it, despite the idea being ridiculous.

They throw you a small party, with the whole crew, a bit of music, rhum, beer, and the food they know you like. You feel like you belong now. Gosh, you really missed them.

Bepo does not leave your side; even when the time comes to go to sleep, he curls up next to you like he used to do when he was smaller, so you’d both keep eachother warm. You gently stroke his fur, and you can soon feel him fall asleep.

He was always a big sleeper.

_***_

_Once, you told me I was lonely. You’re wrong. I’m not lonely. I like being alone. I like when there’s only me to take care of. I like when I don’t rely on others to mess up my plans._

_I like it when there is no other noises than my owns._

_And what if I am lonely uh? That’s none of your business. I’m not part of your crew, and I’ll never be. You don’t have to save me like you save all of your friends. I don’t fucking need saving, I can do that by myself, thank you very much._

_I don’t want your pity._

_***_

“Captain, do I give the orders to submerge the ship?” Sachi asks, as you watch the sun reflecting over the waves. Hoping to see on the horizon something that you know won’t come.

You’ve been spending a lot of time outside, getting sunlight and fresh air, often ordering to get back to the surface lately. Mostly to avoid half of the strawhat crew that now permanently lives with you until you get to Wano.

But also to avoid your own crew. They changed so much since the last time you saw them. You can’t help but feeling guilty about leaving them.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go.”

You’ve been feeling like your chest is empty these days.

You get inside as the submarine’s engines roar loudly around you. Underwater. Where it’s dark and cold. You love the dark and cold, you try to convince yourself. You’re finally back to your own ship, with your crew, with your friends. You’re back home. Strawhat is far away now, and there’s no way to tell if you’ll ever see him again. 

After all, the world is a big place.

You give some orders about your next destination, and you get back to your own cabin. 

It’s a small room, not very pretty, not very comfy. It’s full of books, notes, and diagrams of the human body drawn all over the walls, a bed, and a desk. You put Kikoku down in a corner and sit at your desk. You have work, studies to do. Things to learn. So you throw yourself into that.

Diagrams and studies are much easier to deal with.

You work, you read until your eyes are itching. Until you hear a small tap on your door. It’s Bepo, with a plate of food. You can tell he’s worried. He always is.

“Do you need something Cap?” He asks with a soft voice. He knows you aren’t to be disturbed when working, but he can’t help it.

“I’m fine, thank you.” You reply, putting your hand on your own shoulder, stretching. You’ve been in the same position a little too long.

“I’m sorry to ask, but are you sure? You seem distracted since you got back… And you’re only distracted when something big is on your mind…” 

You frown, and look at him. He’s right, you’ve been neglecting your captain duties. But before you can say anything, Bepo starts to speak again.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t question your orders, if you don’t feel like sharing, it’s okay. Just know... we’re here for you okay?” and he proceeds to leave.

“Bep’, wait.” He turns back and gets closer to you. “I’m sorry.” Your fists are clenched on your knees, and you can’t look at him in the eyes.

“Sorry? but what for?” he asks, putting his paw on your shoulder.

You can’t tell him that you planned to die on your mission at Dressrosa, that you planned to abandon them all. You just can’t. He notices that your lips are trembling. Slowly, he makes you stand up, and gives you the warmest hug.

“It’s okay Cap. You’re here now and it’s all that matters.”

He knows you too well. You bury your face in his chest, to hide your tears, as uncontrollable sobs shake your whole body. You hold on to him, your hands gripped on his arms, so tight, like you’re afraid he’ll disappear. 

“Thank you …” you manage to say between sobs. “For not giving up on me.”

You feel his paw on your back, gently stroking you. You feel like all the burden you had on your shoulder, the realisation that you finally achieved your goal, that your nightmare is over, that now you can finally start to really heal, and be better, surrounded by the people who love you, hits you right in the heart, and you can’t help but cry.

“I think you should get some sleep Cap, do you need me to stay there ?”

You nod, but don’t move, so he just carries you to your bed and sits at your side, like you used to do for him when he was sick.

Soon, you fall asleep. A long and well deserved sleep.

_***_

_About that new dream. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I think the answer’s been in front of me this whole time. I just wasn’t looking well enough._

_But once again it’s all in your hands now._

_We arrived at Wano a while ago. It would be nice if you came back._

_I know you’re on your way. And I hope to see you again._

_-Law_

\---

When you see his face again, you can’t help but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go !  
> Thank you for reading this far, it means the word to me ! If you have the time I would love to know your thoughts on my work. 
> 
> See you soon with another fic (Probably... Let's hope... )
> 
> Ali


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